I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
