actually, I'm a sock model
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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