He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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