Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
