i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
