I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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