i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
