i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
