I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
