I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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