I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
