Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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