In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize