its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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