Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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