I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Houston, we have a squirter
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
