Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
