Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
