Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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