I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
is that a dick in a sweater?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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