we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Randomize
