you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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