2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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