Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
