Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need to align my fucking chakras
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
