if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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