Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
