only you would photoshop your dick
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
