The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
