You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
