Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
