you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
