I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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