hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Watching her eat just hurts me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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