Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
