Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
