grandma shit on top of the toilet
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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