just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
