Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
