Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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