Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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