Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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