dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
