So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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