Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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