I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
