You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
