and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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