Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
