Where is the hickey?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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