DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
