lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Boobs speak an international language.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize