Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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