i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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