wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
