everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
