I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
