So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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