WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize