It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think my mom watched the whole time
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
