I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
