i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
