The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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