ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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