You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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